The Best/Worst Stories Start and End With Alcohol

Brent’s Story

When Brent’s High School Football Team wanted to celebrate their winning season they chose to reward themselves with a week long trip to Thailand.

Boys will be boys and these boys were even worse, it was no surprise they soon found themselves front row center at a local Bangkok “ping-pong show.” For those that don’t know, this crude display showcases the ability of the female genitalia to perform circus-like tricks.

What followed could only be described as very bad luck.

As they drank cheap Thai beer, cheered and yelled obscenities at the sexual freaks on stage, Brent suddenly felt a stinging sensation in his chest.

He was far too young for a heart attack, so he disregarded this odd feeling… that was until his buddies gasped in horror and pointed frantically at his new white t-shirt. The crisp white-t was now soaked in Brent’s crimson blood.

It seems that during the famed “balloon popping, pussy dart routine” the little lady misfired a “pussy dart” right into Brent’s heart.

Through his deep alcoholic haze Brent screamed as only a 250 pound linebacker can scream.

The usually unfazed Thais dove under tables as he ran for the door…except for the owner who demanded Brent pay for his beers.

He ran hysterically through the streets of Bangkok accidentally bodychecking a Tuk-Tuk driver while grasping at the hanging projectile.

Brent pulled it from his pounding chest and ran straight for the walk-in clinic on Koh-san road, which they had all duly noted earlier that day.

Breathless he sat there listening to the Thai doctor laugh and in broken English explain “those girls are dirty!”

Brent held his head in his hands as the doctor took blood and told him he would have to wait a week for the test results.

His football buddies offered some smirking, half-assed condolences while they boarded the “party bus” to Koh Phangnan and the infamous “Full Moon Party.”

Brent spent the next week in a Koh-san roach motel, sweating, waiting for his results. A week later, his buddies returned, tanned, laid and with enough stories to torment him for years. He of course was fine and had just enough time to pay the Doctor and board his return flight to Wisconsin.

If this is you or someone you know, it’s likely time you should seek professional treatment by calling an advisor at 888-213-1552.