The 5 Stupidest Things I Did While Drunk In Bali

5. Stole a Beer Truck

After a big night of Red Bull/Moonshine “Fishbowls”at Double-Six, we were smoking ciggys on the steps in front of the bootleg Circle K. The beer delivery truck pulled up and the driver got out and walked inside, he must have really trust in drunk white kids because he left it running. Greg immediately jumped in the driver seat and I was co-pilot. We drove that truck around Bali until we got scared and abandoned it laughing and tripping through the flooded rice paddies and falling over the low walls that divived them.

4. Swam the Gili Islands

I’m pretty sure it says, “Don’t Do This!” in The Lonely Planet. I drank a bunch of buckets and the openly sold “mushroom shakes” freely available on Gili T (Trawangan) and over our pancake breakfast the next day I looked across the water between the Lombok Strait and Bali Sea and thought “I can do this!” I peeled off my shirt and dove into the water. What followed was a hour long swim through shark infested waters to Gili Meno, a hike across the island with no shoes and then two hours in a heavy current to Gili Air. I caught a ride home with a local fisherman and no I wouldn’t try this again.

3. Fought The Same Aussie Guy Every Night

We had a pretty eccentric crew of artists, fashion designers and musicians. We all had long, hair, tattoos, model girlfriends and outrageous style. Seemingly this pissed off this one contractor/surfer from Perth. The first time he floored one of my friends and being the only guy in the group who crushed weights (even while backpacking the world), I jumped into the fray. Seemingly this scenario played itself out everytime we saw this loogan, until finally I kicked his ass for good. I picked him up off the floor and said “You have two choices, 1. We have a beer and call off the feud, 2. I break your arm.” He paid for the beers and turned out to be an OK guy after all…

2. Slept With Your Mom

I was out at the club and typically drunk and in my element surrounded by our “gang.” A pretty girl caught my eye and me hers. It was loud and sweaty but I tried some small talk and soon we were walking to the back of the club and the lounge area. I crossed the floor with my date when suddenly a cold hand grabbed my arm. I turned around to see an older version on the girl I was escorting. It was her Mother… I tried to look as innocent as possible and fumbled for an apology, to which Mom said “She is 19 but what about me?” The rest of the evening was blurry but I remember some bad washroom sex at the club and an open invitation to Perth, which I have yet to accept.

1. The Great Scooter Chase

South East Asia is small and so are the people. Riding around on a Harley Davidson would really make you look like a jerk- people do this, mainly Germans. Instead we rented moto-scooters to fit in with the cool kids. Apparently there are some laws in Bali and one of them is that you are required to wear a helmet. “Un-cool!” we thought as we went about town helmet-less. We lived in Seminyak and there was a speed-trap at the end of our street, we drank a couple beers before leaving the house and totally forgot. We blew through and immediately found ourselves in a “low speed scooter chase” amazingly this went on for about half an hour around Kuta Beach. The cop kept flashing his lights and we kept pretending not to notice. Finally we found ourselves down a one-way and I braced myself for the beating we so righteously deserved. Instead a young, apologetic Balinese Police Officer told us we were law breakers and then sheepishly held out his hand. Collectively we pooled about $20 USD in local currency and he left with a thank you, high-five and smiles all around.

*Bali was great, so great that I accidentally showed up at the airport a week early for my flight, I was a bit a mess and may or may not have been wanted by the local mafia. I changed my flight, put my head down and jogged through the terminal, I presented my passport and was told to wait. Then I was detained and had my documents confiscated. I figured this was it, either death by firing squad or prison like my buddy Gary. Instead I was told my Visa was expired, I paid $50 more dollars and I haven’t been back since.